Adventures in Stoicism

     I am a teacher, a mom, and a grandmother.  The first two are absolutely thankless jobs and the latter role gives me breath and life.  I am an avid reader and I thought it curious that every time Seneca is quoted, I agreed with his premise.  I felt a real affinity for Seneca's thinking.  Gradually, I began to read books about stoicism and though my heart belongs to Seneca, I have been doing a deep dive into Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.  

    The philosophy is not difficult to understand - but the practice of it can be.  I find it hard to not attach feelings to things.  When my children are happy, it is a good thing and I am happy.  When everyone is in a bad mood or someone is being mean, it is a bad thing and I am unhappy.  There is a line in Hamlet which sums up a stoic teaching:  "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."  So things which I've labeled bad are only bad because I have labeled them as such.  I can't control other people or what they do, so they are indifferent to my virtue, according to stoicism. They may be preferred indifferents (like having good health), but they can also be nonpreferred indifferents (dealing with pushy people).  

The problem I am having is that I can navigate between letting things go because I can't control them, and sticking up for myself with people who treat me like a doormat.  What do we do with people who are mean, uncaring, and spiteful?  Do we sever all connection to unpleasant people?  What if this is not feasible?  How do we prevent ourselves from being hurt by people? 

I very often find myself dealing with disrespect and thoughtlessness from my sons.  I love them dearly and find them to be interesting, basically kind and good people who have great senses of humor.  But they can be mean, opinionated, and careless about other people's feelings.  They love to make fun of me, which gets terribly carried away and I wind up feeling unloved and very much alone.  How do I deal with these feelings without becoming so encumbered by them that I can't do anything else?  How do I stop myself from feeling alone and unlovable with people who are mean to me?